Mommy Teaches Me New Words

We were driving in the minivan, just me and mommy too

When a Prius cut her off and made her spill her Mountain Dew

She hit the brakes and hit the horn, she didn't let it slide

She rolled her window halfway down and shouted loud and wide

"You stupid fucking asshole with your head inside your dick

Are you drunk and deaf and blind, or are you just that fucking thick?

Oh, use your goddamn blinkers, dumbass, Jesus fucking Christ"

Then my mommy sipped her Mountain Dew and muttered, "Fuck my life"

I learn so many words with mommy every time we drive

She's always teaching me new ways to tell a stranger 'hi'

And mommy likes to make sure I have fun on every trip

And every time I learn a word, I tell it to my friends

Now we're driving slow again and mommy's on her phone again

The car behind us blows their horn and mommy says, "You want some more?

Eat my shit and die, you ugly good for nothing whore

I'm gonna slam your head into my motherfucking door

And pray you aren't alive still, 'cause I'll stab you in the eyes

'Til you regret you ever crossed me, bitch, you worthless shit"

I learn so many words with mommy every time we drive

She's always teaching me new ways to tell a stranger 'hi'

And mommy likes to make sure I have fun on every trip

And every time I learn a word, I tell it to my friends