Lyrics
Margaret Thatcher talking on TV
Looks so sincere as she says to me:
"There'd be no unemployment if
You all used a bit of initiative."
I was on the Dole, I was broke and bored
Says, "Aye, I'll take her at her word!"
Got a loan from a Credit Union man
And bought myself a Transit Van
Next step up the ladder now
I bought myself an old, fat sow
Crossed the border quite legally
Collected a common market subsidy
Signed all the forms, and gave back the pen
Smuggled the sow back home again
Ten times a day, I'd work this plan
Myself and the sow and the Transit Van
Travel sickness, the sow picked up
Says, "Aye it's time to diversify"
Took all my money from the biscuit tin
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin
Around the south, my wares I'd sell
In public houses and hotels
There was never a guard, nor a customs man
Put his nose inside the Transit Van
At festivals and fleadhs and fairs
If the craic was good, you'd find me there
At all big matches in Croke Park
And I danced with Springsteen in the dark
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe
I danced on streets around Listowell
Mothers had their daughters warned
Stay well away from the Transit Van
It being Lent and the drink trade low
I changed to carrying video
While on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs roadblock in my way
Faced the border, I got her turned
The engine roared and the tyres burned
Five patrol cars fully-manned
Were in hot pursuit of the Transit Van
Through Clontibret I did go
I was heading for the County Mayo
Round the corner I hit a dog
Went over the ditch landed in the bog
I sat on a bank, watched all I owned
Sinking in a bog hole like a stone
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell
Now I'm back where I first began
No job, no money, but I've a plan
There's a girl down in Mullingar
She can hold me future in her hand
She doesn't look like a film star
But she's been telling me about her dad
He has no property or land
But he has two sows and a Transit Van
The Queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car
Her son Charley has a Jaguar
But when the Pope came to Ireland...
Like myself
He drove around in a Transit Van!
Written by: A, Seamus Moore
