Be Gay, Do Drugs, Hail Satan

I showed up for school with my soul in my pocket The sisters was wearing a cross and a locket And a grimace that told me I'd never be welcome Dungeons and Dragons would send me to Hell Some kid in the bathroom, between the bells ringing Shared with me how he made peace with the demons The advice that he gave me was written on paper Passed between him and another tenth grader Six simple words Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan The principal asked me how I had achieved it I turned it around from a dunce to a genius He wondered if I had been bribing the teachers Or copying homework down under the bleachers I told him that I had found God in my own way In tablets and horns, and the boys in the hallway The head of the class, and I'm writing a speech It'll be the best one that you ever did read and it's Six simple words Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Beelzebub is full of love Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan My family's gathered in a circle I'm 95, and I've lived a good life My grandson, he hovers around to my bedside He asks if I have any words of advice for him And I do, "Listen in closely Come on in close, I'll speak it softly" Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan Beelzebub is full of love Be gay, do drugs, and hail, hail Satan