Waiter, Oh Waiter

Waiter, oh, waiter, please come to my rescue I cannot understand a word that's written on this menu Not that I'm unaccustomed to this kind of smart cuisine But what you've handed me is in a language I've never seen. And the way my companion here keeps gazing over at me Makes me feel like I'm drifting further and further out to sea Everything looks so frightening Everything here looks so nice. Oh, waiter, please waiter! I really need your advice. Waiter, oh, waiter, I feel so embarrassed If this is really French it's not the kind they use in Paris What is this crab and lobster foam, what's in this cassoulet? And my companion's so at home, so terribly au fait. I need some words of wisdom I need you to take my side For very soon I know will come the moment to decide Won't you help me through this menu Won't you please just catch my eye Oh, waiter oh, waiter! Please help me out tonight. Underneath that stiff tuxedo you must be human too, You'll have had your days of heartache And days when your dreams came true So, waiter oh, waiter! Please help me out tonight. Waiter, oh, waiter please come to my rescue Oh let this be the sort of thing your service can extend to. Not that I'm unaccustomed to this kind of smart cuisine But this menu is as baffling as anything I've ever seen. And the way he looks across at me with his sardonic gaze Makes me feel I'm drifting further out into the choppy waves Everything looks so frightening, everything here looks so nice. Oh, waiter please waiter! I really need your advice Underneath that stiff tuxedo you must be human too You'll have had your days of heartbreak And days when your dreams came true So, waiter, oh, waiter! Please help me out tonight.