Ollie & Olga

Kevin Bloody Wilson Miscellaneous Ollie and Olga While hitching a ride through the mountains in Switzerland I heard a story that I'm gonna tell Of a bloke they call Ollie and his old lady Olga I swear it's fair dinkum and it's real sad as well Ollie worked as a guide climbing up and down mountains Dragging Japanese tourists by a rope round his guts And his old lady Olga got no morning glory Or no nighttime naughty 'cos he'd be too fucked (Hoo hoo, hoo hoo, hoo hoo) 'Cause for twelve hours a day the poor bastard kept karting Petrified Japs on the end of his rope While they're kicking and shitting and screaming like Sheilas Olga thought of her Ollie up there and thought fuck the slopes (She thought of her Ollie up there and thought fuck the slopes) But mostly she thought about having a baby But it had pissed off by the time she woke up And there'd be no nookie she so badly needed No nookie, no baby, no nothing, no fuck (Hoo hoo, hoo hoo, hoo hoo) So one night while Ollie lay snoring his box off She slipped out of bed and slipped into the night And needless to say that night Olga was vulgar Near fucked herself silly that's vulgar alright (Near fucked herself silly that's vulgar alright) But soon Ollie twigged that she'd played hide-the-sausage As the lump 'neath her jumper got too hard to hide And he knew it weren't his and he knew fuckin' well too That some other bastard had potted his bride (Oh ho, oh ho, oh ho) So Ollie climbed up to the top of the mountain Took a deep breath cupped his hands round his mouth And the village stood still and the whole valley chilled As they heard the words that poor Ollie rang out (Oh ho, oh ho, oh ho) Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled her, Who-hoo? Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled the old lady? Who diddled her, Who-hoo? But a tear filled his eyes as he stood on that mountain And he heard his words carried off with the wind Then he heard and echo bounce back 'cross the valley An echo that made his poor arsehole cave in I diddled the old lady I diddled the old lady I diddled the old lady I diddled her, hoo hoo I diddled the old lady I diddled the old lady I diddled the old lady I diddled her, hoo hoo Some say that Ollie took his life on that mountain While others say Ollie just died of the blues But it's a good thing 'Cause that valley still rings, with I diddled Ollie old lady too I diddled Ollie old lady too I diddled Ollie old lady too...