I Want a New Duck

Whoa-oh I want a new duck One that won't try to bite One that won't chew a hole in my socks One that won't quack all night I want a new duck One with big webbed feet One that knows how to wash my car And keep his room real neat One that won't raid the ice box One that'll stay in shape One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape Or I'll tie him up with duct tape I want a new duck A mallard I think One that won't make a mess of my house Or build a nest in the bathroom sink I want a new duck One that won't steal a beer One that won't stick his bill in my mail One that knows the duck stops here One that won't drive me crazy, waddling all around One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown And show me how to get down How to get down baby Get it? Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack I want a new duck Not a swan or a goose Just a drake I can dress real cute Think I'm gonna name him Bruce I want a new duck Not a quail or an owl One that won't molt too much One that won't smell too foul One that won't beg for breadcrumbs Hangin' around all day He'd better mind his manners Better do just what I say Or he's gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yeah, yeah Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack