44 Robbers

I got up at half-past four Forty-four robbers around my door Forty-four and maybe more What the hell they want me for? Stubbly faces, gap-tooth grin Ain't no way I'm lettin' them in No way, you can't come in Forty-four robbers stinkin' of gin Uh huh, I ain't lettin' you in I'll hit you with a rolling pin So small, can't hurt a fly Get in my way and I'll sure as hell try To kick your butt down the block Can't wait, yellin' for the cops Fifty dealers and fifty thieves Starring at the drive-in on my street Shit, over my shoulder there's Popeye and Bluto Looking nasty, can I remember my judo? It's always like this, going out alone So damn scared, might never leave home No way, you can't come in Forty-four robbers stinkin' of gin Uh huh, I ain't lettin' you in I'll hit you with a rolling pin So small, can't hurt a fly Get in my way and I'll sure as hell try To kick your butt down the block Can't wait, yellin' for the cops Got my freedom, I got my pride All means nothin' with the men outside Puffing and preening and strutting their stuff Blocking my way out, I've had enough! Give me justice, hand it over now Gotta get a gun or maybe just leave town See ya Sly Stallone, Al Capone Are giving me grief on the telephone All I want is a swiss cheese sarnie When at the deli stands Big Arnie Hey Jean-Claude, move aside That taxi's mine, I'm taking that ride When I go out to get the Sunday paper What's my man to think, "someone might rape her"? I'm just having a beer on my own Don't mean Hulk Hogan can take me home I've got my mace but my loud-as-fuck whistle Is so ineffective I just pray the epistles For help to come someday soon But until then I'll stay in my room