Hard to Be the Bard

My days are so busy it's making me dizzy There's so much I gotta do There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings And endless interviews Gotta pose for a portrait And how I deplore sitting there for eternity Then it's off to the inn Where my innkeeper friend Wants to name a drink after me Then it's back to my room, where I resume My attempt to write a hit Just me and my beer and the terrible fear That I might be losing it And it's hard, It's hard It's hard, It's hard It's really hard So very very hard It's really hard Very very hard I make it look easy but honey believe me It's hard It's hard It's hard, It's hard It's so incredibly hard So inconceivably, unbelievably hard It's hard to be the bard Honestly, I don't know how I do it. There's only so much of me to go around. I've got so many fans With so many demands I can hardly go take a piss He can't pee Be it theater-freak or The autograph-seeker They all want a piece of this Gimme, Gimme It's a cross that I bear, I'm like Jesus, I swear It's a burden but I suffer through it He is suffering It's all part of the game, The trappings of fame But somebody's gotta do it So he does it And I know, I know, I gotta go And get back to my pen and ink Oh don't make me do it, Don't make me go through it Can somebody get me a drink! 'Cause it's hard It's hard It's hard, It's hard It's really really hard It's sexy but it's hard It's really hard Sexy but it's hard This bar that I'm Raising to be this amazing! It's hard, It's hard It's hard, It's hard It's so annoyingly hard So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard It's hard to be the bard, baby I know writing made me famous, But being famous is just so much more fun. You see... What people just don't understand Is that writing's demanding It's mentally challenging and it's a bore It's such a chore To sit in a room by yourself Oh my god, I just hate it! And you're trying to find An opening line or a brilliant idea And you're pacing the floor And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention That one little nugget that one little spark Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start So now you can write, right? Wrong! You're not even close, you remember that damn it, Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter! So you write down a word but it's not the right word, So you try a new word but you hate the new word And you need a good word but you can't find the word Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it! Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH! Sir. Hello. You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing. Our spy is here with the news. Did he see me losing it? He's half blind, sir. Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it. You see what I did? Ha ha. Speak, man. What news? I saw Nick Bottom, I did. He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be. That sneaky little thief! Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!? It's hard No. It is, isn't it? It's really the worst It's hard Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first It's hard Hard to alleviate the pressure to create It's hard Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great It's hard It's hard, So hard that he is stealing from the bard Well I'll hoist him by his petard All I need is a clever disguise Clever disguise I'll make him pay for those devious lies Devious lies Let him do all the tedious stuff The work that's terribly and unbearably hard Alright Nick Bottom I think Shakespeare needs to find out What Shakespeare's next big hit will be Cause it's hard It's totally hard It's hard It's totally hard It's hard It's totally hard I've got fortune and fame Everyone knows my name I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard