One day, I looked out from the window

Saw those trees in the yard

They had fallen apart

Their skin was broken and scarred

And their rings were young and few

And they looked just like you

And I thought that I'd be strong enough

To say exactly what I wanted

It's been long enough

But I can't keep what I want fucking straight

So I built these walls of metaphors and cliches

Silently hoping they'd fall and I'd break

There's so much left to learn

And our lesson proved my worth

And I'm so hesitant in separation

And in what we learned

Fighting against their torturous roots

Hoping to find a way to speak the truth

And I don't know why that would help

But I just wish I could write something about you

That didn't make me hate myself

So far from you

I know I don't want to pretend

That I have found out

How to get past this

And were you blinded by desperation?

I know I was nothing

But did I cause your collapse

Or was I just a part of it?

And I hope the walls break

And you find these poems scratched in the paint

They're not direct, so they feel safe

They're insecure, but they fit

And I'd rather have them

Than try to live without happiness

So far from you

I know I don't want to pretend

That I have found out

How to get past this

And I know closing the door

Means leaving these questions unanswered

It means not caring enough

It means giving up on what I call love

And I'm so sick of the sound of my own voice, and the pressure that I put on every single choice. To make sure that I'm heard. To make sure that these words feel right. I just want to leave behind something meaningful. Something beautiful. It's never felt right, but sometimes I wish you had had that child

Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so fucking empty inside

Collapse my lungs

Collapse my lungs

Force the air out of my chest

Until I breathe out slow

And until i forget

You will know I haven't got anything yet

But these words and these moments

I'm wishing for the best

That the scar of our inosculation

Won't define the days that I have left