A Final Toast for Oliver Cromwell

Listen up, alley scum, loiter-sacks, scurvy bums

'Cause we've gathered in here this day

To the wake for a man who conquered the land

And then ruled with an iron hand

So I beg thee to stand, parting glass in your hand

'Cause we buried him today

Put away knife and fork, chew and swallow that pork

And, please, raise your glass and say

Here's to you, Cromwell, may you burn in hell

In a hole dug just for you

Where the king of lies poke you in your eyes

And put needles in your shoes

He can take a stick, shove it up your prick

And then brake it 'cross his knee

Worms will eat your guts, horses kick your nuts

It would be a sight to see

You're a shit, lunatic, and a sick witless prick

You're the shart of the human race

But now you must dwell in Alighieri's hell

Where you will share Brutus place

We will dance, laugh, and sing, drink good ale, bells will ring

As the coffin makes your bed

So join with your mate, in the song, celebrate

'Cause the bastard's finally dead

Here's to you Cromwell, may the imps of hell

Bring all nettles sprung in March

That would ever stand upon Irish land

And then shove them up your arse

You'll get mauled by bears for a thousand years

Pass ten kidney stones a day

And if I as well am fated for hell

I would gladly join the—

Here's to you, Cromwell, may you burn in hell

In a hole dug just for you

Where the king of lies poke you in your eyes

And put needles in your shoes

You'll get mauled by bears for a thousand years

Pass ten kidney stones a day

And if I as well am fated for hell

I will gladly join the fray