Keith

Keith

There's a man at the Malvern TAB

Shaved head, tatted up, 'bout six foot three

He was our neighbor when we lived on Hotham street

And though we never got his name, we called him Keith

Keith had a white Volkswagen Amorok that he parked out front his house

With a steel two-wheeler trailer that he liked to tow around

One day a mate was coming round and parked out on the street

And little did we know we had just stated world war three

Little did we know we had just started world war three

The bloke was seething

He was enraged

Knocked on our door like a dog in a cage

We opened up

His face was red

He took off his speedies and he said

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot

It's the second time this week

And I'm about to lose the plot

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car

To the other fucking side

It was a Sunday afternoon in early spring

The family 'cross the road had a gathering

A pregnant woman pulled up in a CR-V

Spotted a park and said, "Well, that's for me"

Well, wouldn't you know that very moment

Around the corner come Keith

He pulled his ute up next to her and then he said quite cordially

"Oh g'day love that's my house, so you'll have to park elsewhere"

She said, "Surely you could just as easily park it over there?"

Surely you could just as easily ark it over there

And from our porch, we watched the scene

As something snapped

The man turned green

He pointed his finger

And he said it clear

Opened up his lungs for the world to hear

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot

It's the second time this week

And I'm about to lose the plot

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car

To the other fucking side

Keith

It was a Tuesday afternoon we last saw Keith

The current affair crew came rolling down the street

He heard a knock and opened up his door

Shocked and perplexed "Tracy Grimshaw?"

She held the mic right up to his face

Called him out for everything and said, "You're a disgrace"

But Keith wasn't listening, his eyes were locked dead-pan

Staring at the camera crew and where they parked the van

He said

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot (Keith)

It's the second time this week

And I'm about to lose the plot (don't do it)

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car

To the other fucking side (Keith, no!)

Keith

Keith