Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light, and made a switch True, yes And I fortunately know a little magic It's a talent that I always have possessed And dear lady, please don't laugh I use it on behalf Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed Pathetic poor unfortunate souls In pain, in need This one longing to be thinner That one wants to get the girl And do I help them? Yes, indeed You poor unfortunate soul Go ahead Make your choice I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day It won't cost much Just your voice You poor unfortunate soul It's sad, but true If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet You've got the pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath Go ahead, sign the scroll Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys The boss is on a roll Your poor unfortunate soul Beluga sevruga Come winds of the Caspian Sea Larengix glaucitis Et max laryngitis La voce to me Now, sing