Getting Married Today

Bless this day Pinnacle of joy Boy unites with boy The heart leaps up to behold This golden day Today is for Jamie Jamie, I give you the rest of my days To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever Today is for Jamie My lover, my partner, my life Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody's there, I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding, I'd appreciate your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things to do, And not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know, The man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, Because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is- But I thank you all For the gifts and the flowers Thank you all Now it's back to the showers Don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today Bless this day Opposite of joy Boy gets yoked to boy The heart sinks down and feels dead This dreadful day Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, A wedding, what's a wedding, It's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever, Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, Which is followed by a honeymoon, Where suddenly he'll realize he's saddled With a nut, and wanna kill me, like he should- So listen, thanks a bunch But I'm not getting married- Go have brunch 'Cause I'm not getting married- You've been grand But I'm not getting married- Don't just stand there I'm not getting married- And don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today Go, can't you go? Why is no- Body listening? Goodbye Go and cry At some other person's wake If you're quick For a kick You could pick Up a christening But please On my knees There's a human life at stake! Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, Or do you want to see a crazy person fall apart in front of you, It isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life, You know we'll both of us be losing our identities, I telephoned my shrink and he said maybe I should come and see him Monday, but by Monday I'll be Floating in the Hudson with the other garbage- I'm not well So I'm not getting married- You've been swell But I'm not getting married- Clear the hall 'Cause I'm not getting married- Thank you all But I'm not getting married- And don't tell Paul But I'm not getting married today Bless this fool Totally insane Slipping down the drain And bless this day in our hearts As it starts To rain Today is for Jamie Go, can't you go? Jamie, I give you the rest of my days Look, you know I adore you all But why Watch me die When I'm only being nice? To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever Look, perhaps I'll collapse In the apse Right before you all So take Back the cake Burn the shoes And boil the rice Today is for Jamie, my lover, my partner, my life Look, I didn't wanna have to Tell you, but I may be coming Down with hepatitis, and I Think I'm gonna faint, so if You wanna see me faint, I'll Do it happily, but wouldn't It be funnier to go and watch A funeral, so thank you for the Twenty-seven dinner plates And thirty-seven salad bowls And forty-seven picture frames Fifty-seven candleholders- One more thing- I am not getting married! Amen! Softly said- But I'm not getting married! Amen! With this ring- Still I'm not getting married! Amen! I thee wed See, I'm not getting married! Amen! Let us pray Let us pray That we are getting married That I'm not getting married Today! Today! AMEN!