John L

Three encores of 'Oh Sonny Boy' backed only by accordion

Three rows of pale brunettes protect him from the crowd

And the curtain is a patchwork of imitation vermillion

And a red bulb hangs over the throne that has been found

This is the scene on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

Yes, this is the scene on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

Crowds of every age, creed and gender are abound

Signor Kitsch sings skits detailing each attendee's sins

The first-time anteaters lose themselves in the wings

With vigour they scratch red spots, overwhelmed by their king

In all the world there's no escape from this infernal din

In all the world there's no escape from this infernal din

"Children of Bethlehem, come, all boys and girls

Come, listen to these, my eternal words

Judge not who you see by whatever they may say

But by their round eyes, lips, ears and curves

A man is his country, your country is you

All bad is forewarned, all good will come true"

These words are heard on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

Yes, these are the words on Main Street when John Fifty comes to town

The garbling non-song whips throng into frenzy

And the echoes of his crooning now cease to be heard

No-longer-pale brunettes are broken in two

And thrown to the snouts of the anteater crew

John Fifty is in tatters, his soapbox usurped

His torn robes adorn the tree stumps of the earth

No hack with an army will last long before he

Breeds men who yearn for their own bloody glory

That was the scene on Main Street when John Fifty came to town

Yes, that was the scene on Main Street when John Fifty came to town