2020

2020 made me reconsider where my life is 26 and I been goin thru a mid life crisis I been frontin like my life is hype and keeping more private Dying on the inside like appendicitis I'm bout to burst if I ain't write this out Been dissociating, questioning what my life's about Best believe I thought of ending it too many times to count But I'm still here, got no choice but try to work it out Emotions gone numb, I'm a cardiac Been stuck on the same chick who don't want me back She haunt me in my dreams, I done turned into insomniac Lots of late nights, like where is Johnny Carson at I been posting pictures for the heart react Self esteem in shambles had to take a minute off the app Every time I saw her anxiety caused a heart attack Mental masochist digging shit up like an artifact I hope my brother Meezy up there resting easy Got the news we lost him that shit had me queasy Always said I got him if he ever need me I was getting sober and he was one that truly believed me 3 years sober going on 4 Depressions never over, you just feel more I used to drown my sorrows in a bottle, living life on full throttle Now, Phil Hoffman, I see more I see more of these people become less receptive Introspection got me feeling like I'm less connected Like fuck deception, be straight up cuz I can get the message Lots of friendships ended moment I stopped reaching out to mend shit Almost forgot to mention All of the fuckin lessons that I learned thru the hurt Never need a woman to determine your worth Only chase the money like a bird to a worm Fuckin with old flames and you bound to get burned Bound to get burned Bound to get burned Stressing little thangs only make my head hurt Yeah Cali cost of living got a motherfucker pessimistic I ain't go to college so right now I gotta fuckin get it Cleaned up alcoholic, I apologize to those affected I been making changes in my ways call it 12 stepping 12 stepping, flow wreckin, been stressing Got a tinder chick undressing I don't even say that shit to be flexing I just gotta lotta shit that needs addressing I dont wanna be alone I'm too afraid to get close witcha Can you feel my heart cuz it's been cold since her Shutting down advances like a fuckin goaltender