I Wish I Were

I wish I were a bird 'Cause if I were a bird then I could take wing high above you You could watch my white wings flap And I could take a great big crap on anyone who tried to hurt you But then I'd have to desert you Flying southward in the fall... I don't want to be a bird after all. I wish I were a dog 'Cause if I were a dog then I'd do tricks to show I love you I could run and fetch the stick And I could sit right down and lick my privates when your Mom came over But if I was your Rover You'd have my testicles recalled... I don't want to be a dog after all. Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai I wish I were a deer 'Cause if I were a deer then we could play out in the forest 'Til you shot me by mistake Then you would carve me into steak with a touch so sweet and gentle Keep my head as a memento Hangin' in the upstairs hall... I don't want to be a deer after all. I wish I were a monkey 'Cause if I were a monkey, I could be your furry jester And whenever you were blue You'd come and see me at the zoo; my antics would be reassurin' But I would always reek of urine And throw my feces at the wall... I don't want to be a monkey I don't want to be a monkey No I don't wanna be no monkey after all. Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai, Lai da dai, lai da dai, lai da dai