Marry Well

Forgive me, ladies, but we live in perilous times If you want to anchor yourself in a uncertain world You have only one recourse With your eye on the ball and your feet on the fairway Hit it high, little girls, marry well! Fore! Every point under par is a leg up the stairway to the sky Little girls, marry well Find a staunch young patrician Republican! With the blood and the brains to excel! Like the fine strapping lad your late grandmama had Meaning I, little girls, marry well Ridiculous woman, my daughter Edith Flying in the face of every good solid value I ever tried to instill in her God knows I've tried to teach her Teach all of my brood- The hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility Edie, oh ho ho, the last hope of the great Bouvier clan Oh, honestly! But Major Bouvier, the time! Oh alright, alright, I'm coming Company, fall in! Ten hut! Chair the ball for the blind Treat your church to a steeple When in doubt, little girls, marry well! Bail the Met out of debt Leave your art to the people And the crowd will fall under your spell! But an unmarried lassie who's fast and loose Is a moose in a herd of gazelle! Pow! Don't be picked off the pack With your head on a plaque! Do me proud, little girls Marry well It's your future that counts They say greatness always skips a generation Well, now it's up to you to burnish the family crest Take a good look at it, children And remember - This crest of our French royal provenance It took a while for it We paid a pile for it So don't end up spinsters and dilettantes! The name Bouvier will surpass all others All of your uncles, dads (Oh!) And mothers Picture Lee in Milan with a prince and a villa Sally forth, little girl! Very nice Jackie B. in Paris, simply bathed in chinchilla As for me, Joe will more than suffice! Good girl! With a grandfather's blessing, I wish you love! Someone there when your hair goes to gray And I'll strut in my spats down the aisle of Saint Pat's! Marry high! Marry proud! Nouveau riche ain't allowed! Upper class! Upper crust! Standard Oil and Morgan Trust! Marry young! Marry chaste! Or if not, then in haste- Marry well, and you're well on your way!