Fuxking Numb

I just wanna' drink and get fucked up I just feel so lonely inside my heart I just wish that I could feel some love Feel like I been stabbed with a million shards I can't stand myself when I'm sober Intoxicate myself so I feel alive I just want this all to be over I can't help that I feel so dead inside I don't wanna' feel this fucking pain no more I'm so tired of feeling empty deep inside my soul Being alive just doesn't feel the same no more Maybe it's just time to clock out and let go I promise you I'm tryna' be the best I can The more I try to love myself the more I hate who I've become I honestly have no clue who the fuck I am I wanna' drink the pain away till' I get drunk I wanna' get fucked up and drift away And when the sun comes up I won't awake Let the alcohol run through my veins I know this is my fault I'm so ashamed I don't wanna' be here anymore I don't know what I have been looking for I know that I'm damaged internally I can no longer manage this misery Close my eyes Don't wanna' wake up Hope is dying And I'm afraid of Being alive Don't wanna stay here Just wanna' lay here I know my grave's near Emptiness Is all that I feel Ever since I failed to heal My remnants Will remain I can't explain This awful pain Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just feel so lonely inside my heart Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Feel like I been stabbed with a million shards Yo I swear to God I'll never feel again Praying to God to help me heal within If I died right before I wake would you take my soul if it's filled with sins Fill my cup up to the brim Getting fucked up to feel again Getting drugged up to heal within cause my faith in God has been getting slim All this pressure has been getting to me All these heartbreaks have been too many If I died now would you forget me Would you regret the fact that you let me I been crying for so fucking long Crying for help in every fucking song It's more than music these are my alarms Don't act surprised I warned you all along How much longer will I stay on earth How much harder do I have to search How much stronger just to bear the hurt What if death is what I deserve I'm out of breath running from this curse I'm out of breath running from this curse There's nothing left I have zero worth Let me rest in peace deep below the dirt, fuck Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just feel so lonely inside my heart Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Feel like I been stabbed with a million shards Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Intoxicate myself so I feel alive Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't help that I feel so dead inside