Halfwit

When I was fifteen, I buried you underneath The dirt the way I did when I was eight When my hamster died, I laid you to his right The more you'd speak, I'd push you further away from me I ran to parking lots to smoke some pot Instead of feeling you the way you asked me to Then sixteen, I left you stranded in between The school hallways to chase heartbreak Cuz the hero's dress fit the antagonist With my eyes peeled, you asked for a ride and I turned the wheel Called you a lie as I learned to drive I didn't care for the sad, but I wish I had Lonely and afraid I let you be I silenced you while you were screaming I'd walk the earth, I'd fly out, I'd dig in Just to hear you intently, keep you safer than any The way I should've then But you'd be halfwit to trust me again Seventeen, I locked the gate and burned the keys With you outside cuz I wanted a night To be with my youth, and that meant without you Confidently, I talked to a boy at the party Remembered what Eve said, "keep your lips parted" In not a second more, he was closing his door You weren't there at the time, so I swore I was fine Lonely and afraid I let you be I silenced you while you were screaming I'd walk the earth, I'd fly out, I'd dig in Just to hear you intently, keep you safer than any The way I should've then But you'd be halfwit to trust me again All I wanna do is call my dad But I wouldn't want to add to the worry that I know he already has I don't feel the hurt but I see blood In the water not knowing if I should keep treading Or pull myself up and out I strike the ones my heart wants to hold The buried parts of you are coming out in ways that I didn't plan for All I claim to be is my own mother But who am I to say that after all I did to make you the other? You'd be halfwit to trust me again You'd be halfwit to trust me again Screaming, "I'd walk the earth"