Christy (feat. Christy)

You know, I hate grief. I really do. I am in a phase in my life, in my adulthood where grief is my opp (opponent) and..,

I can't stand it

Because of how much it hurts

Because of how unexpected and invited it is Because it is jarring reminder that the people that you love

The souls that you love have been lost to the great abyss, that is death.

For good

Never coming back

You know how you can replace a phone.. replace a book

replace a pen

Replace your cards when you use them?

You Can just

 “oh! Crap! I lost it. Lemme go get another one. Let me go get another one. Lemme go apply for another one.”

And then you've got it

“Within five business days” or whatever…

The way, I wish

The way my heart longs for that to be the same with people

You loss someone today, within five business days they’re back

And you're laughing again and talking about their experience of not being here for five business days.

Or whatever

You know, Maya Angelou once said to a woman that she was in an interview with, that was interviewing her.

She's is not afraid of death, she doesn't fear death

Because that is one promise that cannot reneged upon.

It is absolutely certain that it is going to happen

And that's great to come to peace with it as a person. Where does one find that same peace when you’re the one left behind and you've lost your loved one to that

Like… it… I think…

I know the answer.

I think my brain is just finding it terribly hard time to fully accept that I will lose.

I have lost

And I will, likely still lose the people that I loved to it.

And I think that's why I cannot wrap my head around the the concept of reincarnation Because it’s not the same

I want my people to come back to me.

Now

I’m real time

Whilst im still alive.

And if we go again, we all go together.

That is the deal

I don't know.

Loss and grief and

The pain of loss and grief are metaphysical dilemmas that I have not yet conquered.