Lucy

I tried to drop out, and I failed

I can’t even pass the process of dropping out

The worst in me prevailed

The tendency to mask my feelings,

And then cop out

A hole in the sails,

Wind just passes through

Now I’m feeling doubt

‘Cause I don’t wanna bail

I thought I could get through

I think I’m dropping

I’m eyeing the couch

I finished another shift,

Eight hours I’m alert

Fall back in the arms of my couch, ah

I’d rather cry and sit,

Than smile through at work,

‘Cause my dog just fuckin’ died

And when they put her down, I was working out of town

I made my sister cry

She asked “Why weren’t you around?”

I know I should’ve tried,

I think my brain just died

I panic at night,

My throat feels tight,

I think that I’ll choke if I swallow

And if I can sleep,

It’s haunting my dreams,

I wake up and scream (oh)

The worst patterns and thoughts always follow me

My heart starts to race,

And then escalates,

I’m trying to cough it all out now

Am I going to die?

Something’s happened and I,

Have lost control of my body

I fall back on the couch

There isn’t a cure

But the doctor says I should get out more

Stay healthy, hit the gym, keep clean,

And eat my veggies

Is that what it takes?

I think I’m starting to break

I wake up to one missed call

It’s not better at home, and it’s not better alone

I guess the pain comes through

When there’s nothing left to do

So I’m keeping occupied

I gotta get myself outside

Remember playing cards?

I was growing up,

And I was growing dumb

Because I stopped one day

I didn’t go back down and play

A part of me has died

I gotta get myself out,

Get myself out,

Get myself

Get myself outside!

I’m reading some books,

Or so I think,

I’m glancing at the page

I’m technically reading books,

But every time I blink,

I can’t seem to gauge

If the words make sense

Because my phone destroyed my brain,

And my body’s going, too

My heart is getting tense

And if that part of me is dead,

I’ve been sitting here for nothing,

Waiting for that little something,

I thought it was all about,

I think I’m copping–

(No, no!)