Ya Got Trouble

Well, you got trouble my friends, right here

We got trouble right here in River City

Why certainly I'm a billiard player certainly mighty proud to say it

I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden

Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye

J'evеr try and take and give

An iron-clad leave to yourself

From a three-rail billiard shot?

But just as I say

It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score

In a balkline game

I say that any boob can take

And shove a ball in a pocket

And I call that sloth

The first big step on the road

To the depths of degradation

First, medicinal wine from a teaspoon

Then beer from a bottle!

An' the next thing you know

Your son'll be playing for money

In a pinch-back suit

And listening to some big out of town jasper

Hearin' him talk about horse race gambling

Not a wholesome trotting race

No but the kind where they sit right down on a horse

Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sitting on Dan Patch?

Make your blood boil

Well I should say

Now friends let me tell you what I mean

We got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table

Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum

With a capital B and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool

And all week long your river city youth will be fritterin'

I say frittering away their noon time, supper time, chore time too

Get the ball in the pocket

Never mind gettin' dandelions picked

Or the screen door patched

Or the beefsteak pounded

Never mind pumpin' any water 'til your parents are caught

With the cistern empty on a Saturday night and that's trouble

We got lots and lots of trouble

That game with the 16 numbered balls is the devil's tool

Well we got trouble, trouble, trouble

Oh we got trouble, yeah

We got big, big trouble with a T

Got to rhyme it with P

And that stands for pool

Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents

I want to be perfectly frank

You want to know what kind of conversation

Goes on while they're hanging around that hall

They'll be talkin' 'bout Bevo, talkin' 'bout cubebs

Trying out tailor-mades like cigarette fiends

And braggin' all about how they're

Going to cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen

One fine night, he'll be heading for the dance at the armory

Llibertine men, scarlet women, and rag time

Shameless music that'll drag your sons

And your daughters to the arms of a jungle animal instinct, massteria

Friends the idle brain is the devil's playground

Trouble. Right here in River City

With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool

We surely got trouble right here in River City

Got to figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school

Our children's children gonna have trouble

We got lots and lots of trouble

That game with the 16 numbered balls is the devil's tool

Well we got trouble, trouble, trouble

Yeah we got trouble

Oh we got big, big trouble with a T. Got to rhyme it with P

And that stands for pool