album cover
Superhero
In Tour
album cover
Superhero è stato pubblicato il 14 gennaio 2003 da What Are Records? come parte dell'album Superhero
Data di uscita14 gennaio 2003
EtichettaWhat Are Records?
LinguaEnglish
BPM153
Melodicità
Acousticità
Valence
Ballabilità
Energia

Video musicale

Video musicale

Testi

As I'm sure you've all guessed by now
In addition to, uh, you know, comedy clubs and university shows
I do a lot of, uh, elementary schools
And... I'm serious!
Kids fucking eat this shit up, they love it!
And, uh, I usually play for the little
Five and six year olds at their assemblies
And, uh, when I, when I play for the little chitlins
That's right, I said chitlins
I like to be not only entertaining, I like to be informative
And I think I make a pretty good role model for the kids
And I like to give them advice
And I'm gonna share that advice with you guys here tonight
What I tell the kids is, uh
I say, "Kids
Kids
Kids, when you grow up
You can be anything in the world you wanna be
It's true
You could be a doctor, a lawyer, an astronaut
President of the United States of America
Even a superhero
Wouldn't that be great, kids?
Be a fucking superhero, yeah!
Now if you could be a superhero, who would you be?
Would you be Batman or Superman or Wonder
Woman for some of the guys in the back?
I don't know
Or you could make up one of your very own
Let's do that right now, come on, kids
I'll get you started
Let's make up some fucking superheroes
Just let me think of one, here we go
Okay, I got it
If I could be a superhero
I would be Awesome Man
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my awesome plan
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van
'Cause I would be Awesome Man
Now kids, sometimes criminals want you to be a criminal, don't they?
They offer you things like drugs and alcohol
But we know to just say no, right?
You drunk motherfuckers
Except for the old stone table right here, I can see
Me too
What was I singing about? Ah, yes
Kids, let's pretend drugs and alcohol are bad, okay?
A public service announcement from Steven Lynch
If I could be a superhero
I would be Drug Free Boy
Telling the world of the evils of drugs
And all of the lives they destroy
Well, I'd take all those junkies getting so high
With their needles and bongs and their sticks made of tie
As I burn them alive, I would squeal with joy
'Cause I would be Drug Free Boy
Cotton mouth
Not really
Not really
Not really
If I could be a superhero
I'd be Immigration Dude
I'd send all those foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit
I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood
'Cause I'd be Immigration Dude
Ooh
Kids, that verse is meant to be ironic
It's tongue in cheek, okay?
Come on, kids, it's your turn
Your turn to make up a superhero
Just shout one out, I don't give a shit, come on!
Fuck You Dude
The world's greatest superhero
Stop with that TV!
Why?
Fuck you!
Okay
Strangely compelling
That was good, I like Fuck You Dude
He gets right to the fucking point
No lasso or jet or whatever
It's just fuck you, okay, put the TV down
Anybody else?
Butt Sex Man
Sir?
Are you Butt Sex Man?
You're lucky it's dark out here
God, you know what I'm thinking?
That would be the most effective superhero ever
Let me just take this TV
Hey, what the...?
Ah, it burns!
I need some lube, ah
Oh, Butt Sex Man
Well, that's a great superhero, man
That's very good, kids
Anybody else?
Valtrex Man
Who?
Valtrex Man
Valtrex Man?
Isn't that the herpes medicine?
Notice how no one went "Yes it is!"
You take it in doses, it's like three every six hours
I've said too much
I am Veltrex Man
Oh, that's fucking gross
Can you imagine him walking around the Justice League?
He's like "Hey Superman, hey Ve- whoa"
Oozing the pus of justice across America
Stop!
Kids, these are wonderful superheroes
Pussy Man
I am Pussy Man
Sir, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret
There's already a Pussy Man
Mild-mannered singing comedian by day
Puss hound by night
I'm just kidding
Or do you mean literally Pussy Man?
Like a big, just a pussy in a cape
Thwarting crime with my labia majora of justice
But there's three to seven days out of the month I won't work
I got it right that time
If you could be a superhero
Would you be Justice Guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die
Especially that motherfucker Bob
Then you would be Justice Guy
Or then you would be Pussy Man
Or then you would be Veltrex Boy
Or then you would be Butt Sex Dude
Yes, then you would be a superhero like me
And fuck you guys
Thank you!
Written by: Stephen Lynch

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