The Legend of Loco Chanel (And the Blood Red Dress)

Once in a lifetime There will rise a hero Who's approaching footsteps Will cause the earth to quake Once in a lifetime They'll baptize a hero In the blood she left in her wake The legend of Loco Chanelle I'll sing a story now of way out West Of Madame Loco and the blood red dress And of the man who didn't treat her right You see that dress, well it started out white She was the sweetest thing you'd ever seen Raised on a cattle ranch in Southey Green She was a beauty queen in '79 And spent her summers on the Greyhound line (Loco) But she knew that every queen must have a crown So she set off to a place called London Town Where streets are paved with gold and lit with dreams And magpies come to gather all that gleams A simple girl, she never traveled far But in her heart there burned a superstar She'd hit 'em hard and swore she'd give 'em hell The legend of (Loco Chanelle) She'd not a single friend to count upon (Loco Chanelle) Until in Camden met a man named John (Loco Chanelle) He liked her lipstick and he loved her wig He told her, "Babydoll, I'll make you big" Stick with me kiddo and the city's yours The fame, the fortune, the perpetual applause She trusted Johnny, so she spent the night Who knew a wolf had such a charming bite? But Johnny was an agent, not a gent And he took more than the usual ten percent And though he promised Miss Chanelle the Earth He soon discovered what his word was worth On opening night, the audience was packed When she caught him screwing with a younger act In flagrante at the Finchley Hotel The tragedy of Loco Chanelle The seats were sold out to the last reserves She said, "I need a drink to calm me nerves" Then she saw Johnny with his tie askew Her look was loaded and her gun was too "Here's to you Johnny, have a shot to start" And then she smiled and shot him through the heart Her dress was purest white 'til Johnny bled And turned her virgin gown to deepest red (Loco) She strolled onto the stage, a crimson queen And killed the crowd by stealing every scene And soon her fans were queuing round the block To see the diva in the blood red frock And that, my dear, is how the star shall rise With ruby lips and murder in her eyes 'Til one day to avoid a prison cell Miss Loco vanished like a magic spell Oh, where she is now, no! I'll never tell That's the legend Of Loco Chanelle