Hello, America

This is Doble Finepennies, a representative of Nomozene

A few weeks ago I was commissioned to write a song about customer service

Unfortunately I’m not smart enough to write good a song about customer service

So instead I’ve decided to tell you a story about diarrhea

When I was seventeen or eighteen I worked for a fast food chain that fried chicken

I can’t tell you what the name of the restaurant was but it rhymed with pentacube hide picken

After I tired of my job there, and Jojo’s, I went to pick up my last check

As I arrived, I was greeted with a brand new fried chicken wrap

Not wanting to be rude, I quickly ate the wrap

I gathered my check and drove my 1995 baby blue Chevy Cavalier home

About three hours later, that’s when it hit me--

THE FOOD POISONING [maniacal laughter]

My God it was terrible

I prayed to a God I don’t even believe in

“Take my life!”

Of course he didn’t answer me [laughter]

All I could do was eat frozen grapes, which sat gently in a bowl on my fevered chest

I cried and cried into the cold night

“My God! Take my life! Take my Goddamned life, you bearded spaceman!”

No answer

Have you ever been so sick of vomit and diarrhea that you just want to die?

I’ve never wanted to die until about ten years after this story

I lived in Long Beach and had a bout of depression but that’s besides the point