Reading

Thank you (ho, ho)

Thank you (ho, ho)

Thank you very, very much (ho, ho)

You guys are great, man (ho, ho)

Thanks (ho, ho)

I was at the breakfast table this morning

And I read in the newspaper

That more and more adults are living at home with their parents

That surprised me

I was like, Mom, did you read this?

I can't believe it

So surprised I coughed fruit loops all over my bed

Came out all haphazardly

I'm joking

My mom read that for me

Sound it out, Sound it out

Morrie and Morrie, adults

I don't like reading the newspaper, because first of all, it's hard

Also, they never wrap up a story on the front page

And I'm never curious enough to go inside

To find out how anything ever ends

And after a nine-year trial, the jury finally came in with the verdict of

Continued on page 22, column c

I guess I'll never know

You ever seen these people?

I want to learn

I want to be a learner of things

You want me to know what's going on?

You put a picture of it on the front page

Reading's hard

You ever tried that?

Now, I read good

Good league

But I hate when you're trying to read something

And you come across the expression, one thing led to another

What in the hell kind of lazy writing is that?

Isn't that your job as the writer to tell me how this led to that?

You can just throw that in there?

Adolf Hitler was rejected as a young man in his application to art school

One thing led to another

And the United States dropped two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan

This is some pamphlet, it's hard to read

I hate when a sentence drags on, because my brain can't handle a long sentence

The corporation had originally decided that a restructuring

Of its charter should be preceded by a preliminary

What in the hell is going on?

Okay, here we go

All right

The corporation, okay, the corporation

Put smokestacks on that

Had originally, okay, this thing had before

I'm going to move that to the past, and that's a timeline

Smokestacks, they're not even here yet

That's a coming

The corporation had originally decided

Hey, we'd better put little people in the window making decisions

That's how I read in the library

People are like What are you doing

Trying to read

I'm trying to learn how to read better, you know

I took a speed reading course

And not to brag, but my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute

But my comprehension plummeted

Take the good with the bad, man

I was flying

Sparks coming off the fingertips

People next to me in class

He's a rapid reader

Proud, you know

I'm trying to learn how to read

Because I read better

Because I hear it's like good for you or something

It's got a good reputation, right?

Nobody ever badmouths it

You never see a point-counterpoint show

About reading

And on the pro side of reading

Reading like a professor with a bow tie

And on the opposite side

Hey, who changed them?

Reading, reading

You don't never do nothing

'Cause if you had, if you had, have, has, have, hazarded

If you did have it in, hazarded as in

A book, and you looks, have looks, have looks, has looks

Have looks at it, look at it as in

Look at it, have look as in it in at it

Then you might not even know why you had do that

Hm, I have nothing to add

I'd like to yield the remainder of my time to my opponent

In the interest of fairness, please

If reading makes you smart

Then how come when you read a book

They have to put the title of the book

On the top of every single page in that book?

Does anyone ever get halfway through a book

Oh, what the hell am I reading?

Oh, God

I forget again

Oh, it's right there

Woo, that is handy

I don't know what I'm

Yes, I do

Yes, I do now

That's good

I don't want to have to go all the way back to the cover

Didn't know what I was reading

Didn't know what I was reading

Know, I was reading something

Didn't know what

Every page

Why?

When you go to the movies

They don't put the title on the top of the screen (ho, ho)

Planet of the Apes

Okay

I was seeing all these Apes

And I'm thinking

What is going on?

It's a planet of them

Okay

If the whole planet is of them

That explains these Apes