Eyes of Heaven, The Gateway to Earth

I wish I believed in me like everybody else does We can be anything but I'm in denial I can't get off the speed My heart is on trial It's been about a week since I've seen my smile Four days and I still can't sleep I can't go outside no Addiction really killing me But it takes a while I can see the pearly gates even through a blindfold I feel like a waste of space Throw me in a pile How can anyone say that they love me Let alone like me I could never trust you Cause you told me that you move to spite me I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain I'm not ready to face a change No not now I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain I'm not ready to face a change I'm not ready to Ties are meant to be severed not forgotten This time in my life feels rotten Everywhere I go I feel eyes watchin' my moves I remember all the days that I used to frolic I don't know what made me stop it My mind filled with chemicals and toxins I'm deluded I'm the worst to me nothin' tops it I think I need some treatment call a doctor When people see me they can call it I've lost some screws I'm sittin' by myself so who is that talkin' I'm the king in the land of melancholy Imma sign my name in blood with a ball pen For your amusement I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain I'm not ready to face a change No not now I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain I'm not ready to face a change I'm not ready to I'm not ready to I'm not ready to