Blackout

It's a self loathing ache

It's pathetic how little it takes

To flatter me

What kind of feminist saint

Would go back to that pain

And tell you she needs you

You'll put me to shame

While you flatter me

Cause I really hate

Hate that I'm formed

To feel all the shame

From a world that has made me

For flattery

I'm not proud of the things I said

I'm not proud that I told you the truth then

But I'll pretend the alcohol just hit me too hard to remember anything I said

And I fucking hate hate that you want me

I've waited four years for this 

And you strike while I'm happy

I'll just say that I blacked out

The words I'll just wash down

Cause it's a world that's made for you

I'm tired and I'm burnt out 

I'm ash on the ground now 

I'm doing all I'll ever do