Well, I wake up in the morning, there's frogs inside my socks
Your mama, she's hidin' inside the icebox
Your daddy walks in wearin' a Napoleon Bonaparte mask
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, do you have to ask?
Well, I go to pet your monkey, I get a face full of claws
I ask that who's in the fireplace and you tell me, "Santa Claus"
The milkman comes in, he's wearing a derby hat
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you have to ask me that?
Well, I ask for something to eat, I'm hungry as a hog
So I get brown rice, seaweed and a dirty hot dog
I got a hole where my stomach disappeared
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, I gotta think you're really weird
Your grandpa's cane, it turns into a sword
Your grandma prays to pictures that are pasted on a board
Everything inside my pockets your uncle steals
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, I can't believe that you're for real
Well, there's fist fights in the kitchen
They're enough to make me cry
Then the mailman comes in, even he's gotta take a side
Even the butler, he's got something to prove
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you don't move?
