To The Wanton Will of a Harlot's Hand

Drowning myself in troubles once again

So I'll don the life vest that I have to many times before

I'm heading down to the bar to have a drink or ten

Then I'll stumble to your house and I'll whisper in your ear

I promise not to let you down again

I fucked it up but I swear

This time it'll be different

And I'll fall asleep at the foot of your bed

In the morning I'll forget every goddamn word I said

This hangover is the only thing I feel

This pounding in my head seems to be the only thing that's real

Then I open up my eyes and see the sun

People outside having fun

And I draw my shades so tight

I know that I let you down again

I fucked it up and I know it'll never be different

I'm stuck in this cycle of self loathing and despair

Medication and soon to be added to that list

Self-immolation

On this mattress where I poured the gasoline

These bloody ashes are all that they'll ever find of me

And I'm not fucking martyr

This was not a sacrifice

I'm just a fucking loser who could not deal with his life

I'm not a martyr this was not a sacrifice

I'm not a martyr this was never a sacrifice