album cover
Skunk'd
3
Standup Comedy
Skunk'd è stato pubblicato il 11 luglio 2025 da Pinch Records come parte dell'album Property Owner
album cover
Data di uscita11 luglio 2025
EtichettaPinch Records
LinguaEnglish
Melodicità
Acousticità
Valence
Ballabilità
Energia

Crediti

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Yannis Pappas
Yannis Pappas
Vocals
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Yannis Pappas
Yannis Pappas
Lyrics
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Nick Angelo
Nick Angelo
Producer

Testi

But nobody told me the animal I had to be
Most scared of in the country was a skunk
Oh
Nobody told me there was a tiny little animal that had
A World War I level chemical weapon in its asshole- ...
That could fire invisible shit lasers- ...
Up to 15 feet with sniper-like precision- ...
And ruin your entire life- ...
With a smell you will never get rid of- ...
And will haunt your dreams
It never goes away
You can't get rid of it
That whole tomato juice thing is a complete myth
There's no truth to it
You talk to any skunk expert, they'll tell
You, they'll be like, "What happened?
Your dog got sprayed by a skunk?
You gotta kill your dog, man
Put your dog down." "The skunk won." Probably the
Best defense mechanism I've ever seen in nature
It's crazy
You know that less than 4% of skunks get killed by predators?
Nobody kills them
You ever seen one?
They're helpless
They're otherwise helpless
Looks like a fat, black, goth squirrel who looks like- They
Can't run, they just saunter around one mile an hour- ...
All arrogant, 'cause they know nothing's gonna fuck with it- ...
Because they're strapped at all times
They're basically the NRA card-carrying Republicans of animals
Animal comes to kill, skunk's just like, "I wouldn't
Fucking do that if I was you, dog." "Welcome to Texas
We do things a little different around here." Skunk's like, "
Fuck around, fuck around, fuck around, fuck around, fuck around
Try it
Try it
Fuck around
Fuck..." The best defense mechanism I've ever seen
It's crazy
My dog took a skunk nut- ...
Straight to the face
We just moved up there
She had no frame of reference for this animal
She grew up her whole life in Brooklyn
All she knows is squirrels
She loves chasing squirrels
So, you can imagine when she saw the skunk
She was like, "Finally, a fat, slow squirrel
I'm finally...
I'm finally gonna catch one of these things."
"Uh, are they all this slow and fat up here?
I'm gonna have a field day up here." "Thank you for taking me to
Paradise." It was, uh, it was one of the wildest things that I...
I've never felt worse for an animal
Me and my dog came out of my house and we walked
Around to the back of my property, my fucking
Property, but goddamn thing was on my property
It was within my right
And I saw my dog see the skunk
I just saw it
I've never seen her more confident she was
About to kill some shit in her entire life
She darted full speed, galloping straight at the skunk
I don't know if you ever seen it
Skunks, they don't even move
Skunk could care less
Skunk kind of even looked at my dog with sympathy, like, "Oh, aw
Tsk
Aw, aw
Aw, hmm." "Somebody's about to fuck around and find out, you know?
Aw." And the skunk just started stretching
Just getting ready, just stretching- ...
Waiting for my dog
Lit up a cigarette, just waiting
Soon as my dog got close enough, skunk just slowly turned around
Just cocked her magic diarrhea laser beam shit gun- ...
And fired a direct hit right into the nose of an animal
That smells a million times more than a human can
And then the skunk just walked away with a pimp limp like that
You know what I mean?
Like...
"Another motherfucker stepped up and found out, you heard?
Like, I try to tell these motherfuckers
How many of these motherfuckers I gotta bah, bah, bah, bah, bah?"
"You fuck around and find out, you better ask somebody, motherfucker
" Meanwhile, my dog is violently rolling on the grass, just...
She started vomiting, I'm vomiting, everyone's vomiting
My dog looked at me with the most confused look I've ever
Seen an animal have, like, "What the fuck was that thing?
" "What kind of squirrel was that?" "Did that thing just
Shoot me out of its asshole?" Can you imagine the confusion?
Be like if, like, you were at a bar and some
Little guy started running his mouth- ...
You just charged at him and he just, he smirked at you like, and then
He just turned around, pulled his pants down and just fired a- ...
Fired an invisible shit missile that- ...
Debilitated your whole body
You'd be like, "What planet am I on?
Is that a...
What is that thing?" "Who has that in their bag?"
If I had that power, I would be the biggest dick
I would start fights just for fun
I'd fight anybody
I'd fight a guy with cauliflower ear
I don't care
You know MMA?
I don't care
I'm just kidding
Joking
Never fight a guy with cauliflower ear
You see cauliflower ear, that's basically
An ADT security sticker for his face
Be like, "That house is armed
Let's go rob another one." You know?
I feel like they should sell fake cauliflower ear, just- ...
If you're a little guy and you got a hot girlfriend
You're like, "Fuck that, I'm not gonna fucking...
Just put that thing on and I'm gonna fucking
Walk and everything parts." Right to the bar
It's such a good defense mechanism, I can't
Believe nature only gave it to one animal
Why is there only one animal that has that power to repel predators?
Like, you know what kind of a better world it would be, how
Much better humanity would be if women, if you guys just- ...
Had a third hole just- ...
Right in the taint, just a, just a, right between
The juice hole and the two hole, just a, just a...
Would you ever be scared, ever, if you
Just had built-in shit mace in your taint?
Woo!
Five guys start following you home, you'd be...
You'd like it
You'd be like, "Come on
Get closer
Get closer." Walk home alone, no fear in your heels
Five guys get close to you, just Charlie's Angels everyone
You just walk home, light up a cigarette
"Fuck around and find out, asshole
You fuck around and you find out." Woo!
Woo!
Written by: Yannis Pappas
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