Moses - David Steinberg: testi di canzoni, video musicali e concerti

David Steinberg

Moses

5

Comedy

Moses è stato pubblicato il 1 luglio 2011 da Comedy Classics come parte dell'album The Incredible Shrinking God

Dettagli della canzone

AlbumThe Incredible Shrinking God

Data di uscita1 luglio 2011

EtichettaComedy Classics

Melodicità

Acousticità

Valence

Ballabilità

Energia

BPM133

PANORAMICA

TESTI

Video musicale

Video musicale

Crediti

Testi

Will the congregation please be seated for this evening's sermon

Tonight's sermon deals with the exciting personalities

Of Moses, Job, Cain, and Abraham

All of whom had a wonderful rapport with God

Whom I'm sure you'll all remember from last week's sermon

When Moses was a little child

He cast off a cherubic light from his face

So his father Amram turned to his mother Yocheved

And said "Yo, let us take the little

Child and thrust him into the Nile

So that we might have decent lighting in here again"

Moses was put into a casket and thrust into the Nile

An Egyptian princess happened by

And noticed the child and saw immediately that he was Jewish

For we are told that Moses had a terrific accent

And she lifted the child up

And she said "Because I have lifted you up

I shall call you Moses"

Which when you think about it makes no sense at all

Moses was raised in the palace of the Pharaoh

When he was 25 years old he decided that he was Jewish

Upon leaving the palace he saw an Egyptian and a Hebrew

And the Hebrew was being smitten by the Egyptian

There's a switch

Moses said "Don't smit him"

But instead he smit him

Went out into the desert

Where he came upon a bevy of beautiful maidens

Amongst whom was the delicate, alluring Zipporah

The daughter of a priest

Makes you think

Well, Moses married Zipporah, the Bible tells us

And before long chased after a sheep

In the distance

In the distance he saw a bush that was burning

Yet it would not consume itself

How about that, folks?

A voice came out "Moses"

Moses, with the astute bearing of a prophet-to-be

Immediately went to the sheep and looked in its mouth

God said "No, up here"

"Moses," he cried

In a voice somewhat similar to that of Charlton Heston's

Imagine God as a Northwestern graduate

"Moses, listen here

Take off your shoes from off of your feet

For the land that you are standing upon is holy land"

Moses took his shoes off of his feet

Approached the bush and burnt his feet

God said "Aha, third one today"

Moses swore

We're not sure what he said

But there are many Old Testament scholars who to this day

Believe it was the first mention of Christ in the Bible

"Moses," God continued

"Go unto the Pharaoh and tell him to let your people go"

Moses said "Who shall I say sent me?"

God said "Whom?"

A Northwestern graduate

God said "I am that I am"

Moses said "Oh, thanks for clearing that up"

Moses goes unto the Pharaoh, his staff in one hand

His little brother Aaron in the other

"Let my people go"

Pharaoh says "Who sent you?"

Moses says "You're not gonna believe this"

And the Pharaoh didn't believe him

But the Pharaoh was a powerful man

The Pharaoh went by the nickname Ramses

He was so powerful they named a prophylactic after him

But I digress

The Pharaoh didn't believe Moses

And so God destroyed all the land

With that mystical sense of humor that is only his

Written by: Christopher Maurice Brown, G.R. Hill, Joshua Luellen, Karim Kharbouch, Kendricke Brown, Kevin Major, Kiari Cephus, Kirsnick Khari Ball, Quavious Marshall, Rafael "DJ Spinz" Hill

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