Breaking Down

She said I wonder when it'll be my day 'Cause I'm not too far from breakin' down All I've got are screams inside but somehow they Come out in a smile and I'm wonderin' if I'll always feel this way This way The cross is heavy what a burden, am I crazy, Tyler Durdin Don't get better seem to worsen, I don't even know this person In the mirror I hate my sight, two more oxys sleep tonight From fun to havoc, gotta have it alcoholic and an addict This is tragic need some magic I'm insane my thoughts are static Full throttle hit the bottle, pride and ego date a model Drunk as hell stagger wobble, eat them pills, gobble gobble Shake all mornin' panic attack will I find my way back Needle in a haystack, someone pass the J back Numb the pain, all the time can't believe I wrote this rhyme It's my secret this is mine, I'm sick of jail an' doin' time On my knees God take my life insanity cuts me like a knife Ain't got the strength to even fight to take the pain not tonight I keep a smile inside I crumble every way I turn I stumble I need you but I hate you I need some kind of breakthrough I sit in tears can't take it now I live in Hell I'm breakin' down She said I wonder when it'll be my day 'Cause I'm not too far from breakin' down All I've got are screams inside but somehow they Come out in a smile and I'm wonderin' if I'll always feel this way This way Wakin' up blood is itchin', scared to death who is snitchin' Feel like hell look at my health sad when you can't trust yourself Pushed my dad stole from mom entire life made of drama All my friends weathered down when I need help their not around Trapped in a mazeI give up run in place my feet are stuck Things I've done I'm so embarrassed, Oawned the things that I most cherish Search all day for what I need, demeanor's mean my eyes are green I trade my soul for one more bean, friends are dyin' am I the sequel After pills then comes the needle, so much stress I ain't workin' Always shakin' bodies hurtin', can't forget got to muention Extreme anger some depression, delirium tremors I can die Look to the sky wonder why hallucinate with open eyes 30 pack every night I give up I quit the fight Hit my knees saw a light, pray to God with all my might Before my daughter and Mini Thin I heard a voice say Jason listen I love you son and you are missed my name is Jesus, remember this And maybe you've fallen down And maybe you just took the long way home But baby you could never love you Like me And one day this will fade away in The mirror you'll see your smiling face And standing next to you will always be me Yeah me If Mini can do this, so can you First 2 verse 2002 God loves everyone that he meets Help me put these poems in beats It ain't been easy but I can breathe Now I work wit' those in need Making progress prayers on knees In the back of my mind hear that disease Tell me about those nights, you stayed awake Tell me about those days you hated me Tell me how you'd rather die alone, than bein' stuck here with me One day you're going to see things my way You gave me so much room, that I can't break Tell me about those nights, you stayed awake Tell me about those days you hated me Tell me how you'd rather die alone, than bein' stuck here with me One day you're going to see things my way You gave me so much room, that I can't break