I just got out of a date

And I'm riding my bike

And I feel so young

Like I'm pushing me against the wind

For the first time in my life

And the majority of people are older than me

...

Like a couple of revolutions ahead of me

And

I don't know I feel like I keep thinking I'm in line like running the same race but the wind keeps pushing me further and further back, like

Each time there's a tug on something I make the mistake of looking behind me

I'm always thirsty and

If I think too hard I lose my train of thought

And it's not me but it's me it's, something I'm following a shadow

Following a shadow

The one set's split into two

And you're punching a street lamp, and it ...

You did it again, look behind you

Bad dark

Watching the bike and listening to Gillian Welch as her voice repeats "time's revelator"

I'm watching the water make the concrete look like India ink

I used to spend so much time as a kid watching the inverse reflection

Imagining there's a problem of taking the inverse road

If I waited for the right moment, I could fall in

I think about my friend about my friend's brother's

Short flamed

My date tells me to be careful as I go home and each time I speed up I feel the wheels slide beneath me and then I

I I slow down I'm not really an adrenaline junkie, I'd like to be

I think death the closeness makes me nervous and my heart tells me to slow down

As I speed it up

A sixty second point

It feels like sixty seconds a near death experience

There's some records that individually say, that time slowed down for them

As if they had been in ...

And magitate magitate pain

So much of our my existence feels like I'm just trying to magitate magitate pain

And they say the experts or some of those have fallen a near death experience or

Their traumatic experience heard music

I float like a boy

I'm wearing a leather jacket and my head is crooked to the side

I sowed my legs so far apart I let my ego breathe

I think I need it the shadow to escape from me

Give it some new color

Seeking If I don't feel like I'll be able to tell that I don't quite know what to do with my hands when I kiss

Time makes me laugh I know people like it I get but I can never quite get the rhythm right ...

When I was just saying too much

I think I'm a compulsive writer

A compulsive thinker I would never call myself a writer

If so then a painter is more beautiful

It makes me want to tear the sky from its curtain rod

I think I'm just nervous and I have too much to say too much to say too much to say

Despite the fact that I don't talk much at first impressions I've got a lot to say

I hate time I need time I hate the way that looking at a clock and its incessant ticking makes me want to throw up it's weird it's strange

You're stealing the time

Maybe I don't hate time maybe I need time I hate that I have to measure and mark time

I hate that I like to be organized

I hate that I hate having my time wasted by

For some reason I can never rule my body to confess and to get to the destination before 10 to 15 minutes after I set on my way

I've lived on what time I don't think I clear time

Live to unwind to resist that I want more I want more I want more

I hate capitalism, I hate that time I hate that I don't have enough time I hate that time isn't fixed

Did you know that time is slowed at the top of the bottom?

Fact check me you're dumb

Or buy a grandfather clock and what's the point of deja vu sometimes I feel as if I've lived my whole life before that at the moment

Is my death a big laugh? Will escape me and

One that has my real voice the one that I use at night and I'll point a finger into oblivion before it sucks me in

Just like that you'll almost hear the end of the word that I was just about to say before it becomes cloaked into nothingness

Where was I?

Oh yeah I hate that I need more time I'm trying to find it

I'm going biphonic

Get straight out of bed I don't linger

From one destination to the next I'm telling myself this will only take five minutes

This will only take five minutes this will only take five minutes to do and

I miss my friends I have them but there isn't enough time to spend living in a mile radius of most people in my life

I rarely see anyone

It's always me me me me me and they're like next next next

That's my writing here typing here got to get it out

If I don't get it out the worm will find it's way down the very small hole on the top of my head and then I'll choke

Everyone's so busy not busy burned out spread out thin

I started just saying normal things I could easily do I feel like a hurt man

I have the Jupiter planet symbol tattooed on my ring finger

I've married Zeus

That means expansion

It helps me collect more attract more decompressing glittering

I'm not mad not really

Everyone's just trying their best

I think it builds a sadness in me because I imagine being closer to people would make this ticking more bearable

I think about moving away or moving closer to people

How close can I get?

I'm not sure

I'm thankful that my roommates feel like a degree of family

Otherwise it would be me stuck in the room with that thing

The clock

I hate time it makes me so self obsessed or capitalism

I hate the way I feel designed to be greedy to be pressured to not be as lorn for lot and hazard

The book title I want to read to be inconvenienced by others

I so badly want to be inconvenienced

Pulling my toe out from shadow out from head out from groin out from spit until the shadow can stand upright

I'm almost home now

You've been so cold lately

It seeps into my bones

Yesterday my roommates asked me if I was going to be hot with that sweater on

Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot

No not yet not now

I'm giving up wondering or dreaming of an inverse world where I will magically fit in, or

Maybe feel like I belong or so desperately imagine a homecoming and if that happened I walk through the door and everyone claps wide grins on their faces

And everyone's wearing a collared shirt that haven't wrinkles despite the fact that they've been laying down comfortable for hours

They pour me a drink and pat me back in the ways ... scared to touch you

A single flower my favorite flower will be handed to me in fact

I be stumbling in so much

Everyone will make space for me to sit

Welcomed in and my chest will feel so warm

They won't use words because they understand me and I understand them

It will be telepathy and a series of symbols or sounds

First boy I ever loved I never had to talk to

Just playing or start a half sentence and he would understand

I wonder if that's what heaven's like?