Makin' Whoopee (Spoken Introduction)

Every time I hear that dear old wedding march

I feel rather glad I have a broken arch

I have heard a lot of married people talk

And I know that marriage is a long, long walk

To most people weddings mean romance

But I prefer a picnic or a dance

Another bride, another groom

Another sunny honeymoon

Another season, another reason

For makin' whoopee

The choir sings, here comes the bride

Another victim is by her side

He's lost his reason, 'cause it's the season

For makin' whoopee

Down through the countless ages, you'll find it everywhere

Somebody makes good wages, somebody wants her share

She calls him "Toodles" and rolls her eyes

She makes him strudels and bakes him pies

What is it all for? It's so he'll fall for

Makin' whoopee

Another year, or maybe less

What's this I hear? Well, can't you guess?

She feels neglected and he's suspected

Of makin' whoopee

She sits alone most every night

He doesn't phone or even write

He says he's busy, but she says, "Is he?"

He's makin' whoopee

He doesn't make much money, five thousand dollars per

Some judge who thinks he's funny says, "You'll pay six to her"

He says, "Now, Judge, suppose I fail?"

The judge says, "Budge, right into jail

You'd better keep her, you'll find it's cheaper

Than makin' whoopee"