Blackout

Yeah I was a nice kid Grew up with a family and like them Always had some food on my plate and a place to bite in But all a sudden it's like a switch flipped Inside my head tellin' me I don't deserve shit Man I would wake up, and then I perch into the mirror Pick apart the imperfections on the person who'd appear 'Cuz I don't love myself or the way that I looked I was a little fat and hated all that weight on my foot All that weight on my shoulders. Everyday just depressed Everyday gettin' older and everyday feelin' less My homie's like "I can tell you got some shit on your chest My mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress." And I'm like "Ight." We walked to his crib and we stole the bottle I started feelin' nervous but drank it then felt hollow He dapped me up and said "My mom's about to be back But there's some more inside the liquor cabinet we can drink tomorrow" I'm like "Yeah, yeah homie. Don't worry it's cool I gotta go to bed early so I wake up for school But after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze." Then boom, I blacked out, I didn't wake up til' noon Alarm ringing the bell, my mom's ringing my cell She's pissed off 'cuz she heard that I've been drinking myself But she don't understand that deep inside I'm drinking for help I said "Fuck it, I'm leaving. I don't need you to yell" I packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends Couple months have went by and still the buzzin' won't end I think I'm more sad now then I ever have been I need some stronger medication, so I called up a friend I said "Listen homie, all that drinking shit ain't working man Give me something else." He like "Chill I got the percocets I'm getting more tomorrow. If you like it, you can buy them next." I said "Deal." Met in person then I tried the shit Within the hour I'm loving the new thrill Hit my friend back and said "Could you cut me a new deal? I need all of the blue pills the shit is just too ill." I'm confused 'cuz his mood was prudent and too thrilled He was happy, that I been strugglin' loss 'Cuz he knew that in the end and it could double his guap Where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop But I still bought all of his product when we linked at the spot So fast forward a few weeks, I'm addicted to drugs Somehow my momma found out and pulled me back from the thugs Moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love But I was numb and only interested in gettin' a buzz And it's fucked up, 'cuz she was only tryna be nice I didn't listen. Shit, I left and I stayed out for the night Man I went clubbin' with my homies that were down for the lines Then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies Shit I woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door Then these voices started talkin', shit I heard 'em before I couldn't put my finger on it so I had to explore But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawer Shit My mom found it, turned around to see the family They all lookin' down at me and they ain't lookin' happily That's when I realized what the fuck this is Y'all are here to try to take away my substances My mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop She looked at me and said "Chase, this has to stop." I lashed out and said "It stops when I decide it will." I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills And I ran up to my room Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues Crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots And put the clip inside the gun load it back and then I see my family walking up to me I wish that I could say I'm sorry for this fuckery I never meant to hurt you But I was hurt and had to fucking leave It's almost like they heard me fucking say it cause they hugging me Oh mama you can't shake me awake Stop trying, I'm gone let it enter your brain Your hearts gonna break, had every fucking thought on my face But let you learn from my lesson so you don't make the mistake Just tell my story and let them know that I'm sorry I used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me And shit I'm scared Save me mom I'm passing away I wish I didn't put that bullet through the back of my brain