If Only...

She said they buried Randy on Christmas Day 

In a voice so loud and hoarse there’s no choice but to listen

Her acquaintance listened with a calm compassion 

A tone to resonate in my present state

So I wonder

If only I didn’t do that one thing 

If only I didn’t say that one thing

If I hadn’t responded so quickly

Would I be in this place

The parcels crinkle at her feet

The streetcar steadies

Slowly rocking to the sound of her remorse

The pain inside me wanting messages to answer

This rainy window tells me to give up all hope 

Still I wonder

If only I didn’t do that one thing

If only I didn’t say that one thing 

If I hadn’t responded so quickly 

Would I be in this place