Teach You How to Die

When my alarm clock went off I hit snooze Then my mom got me up, "Get ready for school!" "You need to eat eat your Wheaties and double knot your shoes And better remember, don't you forget your 7 Noteboos!" "But mom I feel under the weather today" "I'll let you stay home sick as soon as you get better grades!" So I scoot off to school with my backpack strapped tight Wait, where are my notebooks? I knew my bag felt light I guess I must've left 'em back in a classroom I'll grab 'em after math, don't know why but I have to I'm greeted by the teacher, doesn't seem like a bad dude "Answer correctly every question I ask you" "Fantastic! You're doing incredible!" I already passed math, but that's all on my schedule I'll never solve this impossible problem, I can't even read it Now Baldi's got a frown and I'm prepared for a beatin' He's the teacher, I cannot outsmart him You're gonna see my picture on milk cartons 'Bout to meet the business end of Baldi's yardstick Welcome to the schoolhouse of hard knocks, kids! Baldi's got a pop quiz, I hope you studied hard all night (Study hard all night) You know you gotta solve each problem right (Solve 'em right) If you know your 1, 2, 3's, It'll be as easy as pi (3.14) Pay attention when I teach you how to die (How to die, die, die) Can we change the subject, pretty please? Right now we need a little better Chemistry Think of what fun a foreign Language could be Cuz I've done the Math, I'm lookin' like History You can forget PE, I got my cardio When I wasted all my Playtime jumping rope I know my judgement is coming but I think we need a Recess Or a dead student's what your broom's gotta sweep next I'm not bothered by the Bully, I ain't scared of him I'm on my best behavior Principal, take care of him I thought I saw the Sock Puppet, he's a little timid 'Till I get more notbooks and then he's livid Stay back! I got a soda, I've been shaking it well At the end of the day, could I be saved by the bell? I'm in an 8-bit hell and I'll forever burn I get plenty detentions but I never learn Baldi's got a pop quiz, I hope you studied hard all night (Study hard all night) You know you gotta solve each problem right (Solve 'em right) If you know your 1, 2, 3's, It'll be as easy as pi (3.14) Pay attention when I teach you how to die (How to die, die, die) "Oh my god, is Mavis Beacon on bath salts?" "You're probably locked up with Baldi, that's all" "You know some Rogaine ought to go a long way" Snap! He heard that and I'm going the wrong way! What does he do with that ruler to little boys? Don't wanna know, throw him off with a little noise I've been thinking that the faculty actually Has been keeping track of every casualty casually Pocket full of quarters and a chocolate bar A robot stopped me for a hug, I'm not getting far These distorted distractions out to stop my plans But the true crime here is the Comic Sans! (OH GOD NO) All the halls are red, get to the exit Barely staying ahead, forgot how tired my legs get I'm sick of this outdated education simulation I've either gotta break it or make it to graduation! Baldi's got a pop quiz, I hope you studied hard all night (Study hard all night) You know you gotta solve each problem right (Solve 'em right) If you know your 1, 2, 3's, It'll be as easy as pi (3.14) You better pay attention when you get this education As I teach you all the basics On how to die