ANESTHESIA

Sometimes I lose my balance

It's terrible but true

And when I talk to anyone about it

I wish they were you

I remember the scarf you wore

The car you stole from your parents

And every time that it got cold

We'd use it as a blanket

I was taking care of myself

You were taking care of your mental health

Now you're taking care of yourself

And I'm just trying to deal with this mental hell

Sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin

She's bathing in the same water I'm drowning in

I feel terrible that I'm not him

I hide the narrative behind this grin

Sometimes I wish I never met you

But all the chemicals come crashing in

I feel impatient to forget you

But still there's no place I would rather have been

But in your grace 'till I deserved it

I stack mistakes like I've been workin

Tell me you loved me cause I earned it

Tell me you hated me on purpose

I used to think that we were innocent but now I know nobody's perfect

I used to call my life a movie now I want to close the fucking curtain

Somehow I picked up smoking

I haven't done shit for my health since before COVID

I'm just a year older

I'm just a real loner

All of my friends are either dead or one foot out the door

I dream of anesthesia

I want to be a believer

But maybe I'm still alive cause God doesn't want me either