Midnight hallucinations

It’s safe to say I don’t need anyone.

I’ve made my peace with conditional love.

I watch the seasons pass, like I’m sitting on a bus.

and I wait for the rain to come and clean me up.

I tell these kids, “Love will find you.”

And I go to home to my nightmares.

I should be taking my medication.

but it’s too much to swallow,

and there is not enough to dream of.

I should be sleeping

through the night without waking.

but there’s not enough peace

to stop the timelines that haunt me.

And no one said it’d be this hard.

I’m chasing familiar shapes in the

dark.

I’m looking for the bad things,

till they’re looking right back at me.

I think this will kill me.

I should be taking my medication,

but I found my home in

midnight hallucinations.

I don’t know why I keep dreaming of them.

The patterns convince me of familiar trends.

I’m used to disaster, to living on the edge,

but when the tears are finished, there’s nothing there.

I tell these kids, “You’ll do good work.”

And I go to home to do my worse.

I should be taking my medication,

but it’s too much to swallow,

and there is not enough dream of.

I should be sleeping

through the night without waking.

but there’s not enough peace

to stop the timelines that haunt me.

And no one said it’d be this hard.

I’m chasing familiar shapes in the

dark.

I’m looking for the bad things,

Till they’re looking right back at me.

I think this will kill me.

I should be taking my medication,

but I found my home-

Wandering through the kitchen in the middle of the night,

dancing with my thoughts on the checkerboard tile.

“I know you can hear me!” I scream at the wall.

“Get your eyes off me!” I scream at the stars.

Then the voices start telling me to sing them a song,

so I grab my guitar and I just play along.

It’ll keep them at bay, while I think of how to get them to stop.

I should be taking my medication.

I should’ve been taking my medication.

I should be taking my medication.

Now all I know is midnight hallucinations.

I should be taking my medication...