I'm Not Three Kids In A Trench Coat

In a corner store I was standin' in line

Oh the service was slow, they were takin' their time

When in came this figure stumblin' in through the door

They had real short arms and a coat to the floor

They wibbled and wobbled then stopped with a thud

And grabbed themselves up a big case of bud

They were tiltin' over the counter like a tower in Piza

And the clerk gave a squint, said can I see some ID sir?

But they said

I'm not three kids in a trench coat

I just wanna buy some beer

Why the heck would I need ID

Do we have a problem here?

Don't you mind my awkward stance

I'm just trying not to piss my pants

But the cashier wasn't havin' it and said get the hell outta here

I wrote the whole thing off as a one-time deal

But then I went to the bar and saw somethin' surreal

Cause in the middle of me takin' a swig

In came that figure, doin' the same awkward jig

They bout fell over and hit the bar with a jolt

And said I'll have three beers cause I'm an adult

But the barkeep looked skeptical of those tiny little hands

And said open the coat and let's see where we stand

But they said

I'm not three kids in a trench coat

I just wanna buy some beer

Why the heck would I flash you sir?

Do we have a problem here?

Buyin' three drinks ain't a crime

And I'm just trying to save you time

But the barkeep wasn't havin' it and said get the hell outta here

If you told me that it wasn't over

I'd have called you a liar, questioned if you were sober

But at the local bank I was standin' in line

And I wasn't prepared for the chaos this time

They came in wavin' a gun, said get down on the ground

And we all complied cause they weren't screwin' around

They swayed up to the window and wanted to make a withdrawal

And the manager said funny kids now I've seen it all

But they said

I'm not three kids in a trench coat

Please give me my cash

Someone in this town's gonna serve me

Or I'm gonna shoot somebody's ass

You got till the count of ten you see

Or you're gonna get a bullet from me

But the manager rolled his eyes and said get the hell outta here

Well the figure shot three rounds into the air

And suddenly the manager looked real scared

Now I've been known to fight a kid or two

And I admit that fightin' three seemed a tough thing to do

But I rushed in when they turned around

And ripped off that coat as they fell to the ground

Oh I don't wanna undersell our our surprise

Cause what came next left us real wide-eyed

It wasn't three kids in a trench coat

It was a man in his thirties

He barely fit into the police car

And he must of been weak in the knees

He was built like a dang ol' green bean

He was the longest motherfucker that I've ever seen

It wasn't three kids in a trench coat, but damn that sure fooled me

Play it, Elroy!