Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be

It. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by

Scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

Than my own meandering

Experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not

Understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded

But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and

Recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before

You and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you

Imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as

Effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing

Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that

Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm

On some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with

People who are reckless with yours. Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes

You're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with

Yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you

Succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your

Life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they

Wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year

Olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe

You won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky

Chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't

Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your

Choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body

Use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people

Think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever

Own. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for

Good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the

People most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you

Should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and

Lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you

Knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live

In Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will

Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize

That when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were

Noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund

Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one

Might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will

Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who

Supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of

Fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the

Ugly parts and recycling it for more than

It's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…