America's On Sale

ATTENTION SHOPPERS! Attention 9 to 5 folk, cell-phone masses The up and coming classes ATTENTION! Sports-utility, plastic-surgery suburbanites Viagra-popping, Gucci-shopping urbanites ATTENTION! George Clooney loonies Promise Keeper sheep Stockbroker sleepwalkers Big investment talkers Ricki Lake watchers ATTENTION! Walmart congregation Shop 'til you drop generation ATTENTION NATION! AMERICA'S ON SALE! We've unstocked the welfare pantry To restock the Wall Street gentry It's economically elementary Because values don't pay Yes, American dreams are on permanent layaway (There was limited availability anyway) The Statue of Liberty's being dismantled Ten dollars a piece to sit on your mantle Or hang on your wall By the small Somalian child You bought from Sally Struthers Sisters and brothers, it's now or never This deals won't last forever AMERICA'S ON SALE! (Restrictions may apply if you're black, gay or female) AND SHOPPERS Global perspective is 99% off 'Cause most of the world don't count to us Our ethic inventory is low 'Cause moral business has been slow The value company is moving to Mexico And ALL ETHICS MUST GO! It's a... remote control America that's on sale 'Cause standing up for justice can't compare To clicking through it from a lazy chair Answer: Jerry, Montel, Oprah Question...? Folks who really care! For a million dollars! In this new McVeggie burger world order Where national health care is 100% off! And Medicare is in the 50% bin So you can buy... half an operation When AMERICA'S ON SALE! There's a close-out bid to determine which religion will win All those neon flashing signs of sin The Christian Coalition's bidding high Shoppers, you ask "Why?!" Who needs a Higher Power When you've got the purchasing power To corner and market one human mold? That's right! Real family values are being UNDERSOLD! And it's open hunting season for the NRA! There's a special Uzi discount... only today! Gun control?! We say... Fuck it! Blow it all away! 'Cause inflation's up on the CEO ego And power is deflated... as far as you go 'Cause Nike bought the revolution And law schools bought the Constitution Tommy Hilfiger bought the red, white, and blue A flag shirt for fifty dollars The one being burned is... you! Marlboro bought what it means to be a man Lexus equals power, so get it while you can Maybelline bought beauty New York's buying Rudy Mastercard Gold bought the national soul Broadway bought talent and called it... CATS! The Republicans bought out the Democrats They liquidated all asses in a fat white donkey sale Now it's buy one shmuck, get one shmuck free In the Capitalist party! And there's nothing left to get in the way Of a full blue-light blow-out Of the U.S. of A! There's a no-nothing back guarantee A zero-year warranty When you buy this land of the Fritos, Ruffles, Lays This home of the braves, the chiefs, the reds, the slaves So call 1-800-I-Don't-Care-About-Shit To receive your credit for the fate of our nation Call now! Interest is at an all-time low But hurry shoppers! Because America's being downsized, citizens And you're all FIRED!