I have a degree

That's nice

In alternative therapy

Okay

Took an online course for a week or two

Maybe we should--

I think we should begin with a nice bit of Reiki

Reiki?

Unblock your Chi

What's Chi?

It's doo be doo be tra la la

It's holistic therapy

What does that mean?

It's energy

Vibrations and something magnets

And doo-be-diddly-pom-pom-pom

Now piss

What?

Piss

I just--

Piss into this

I don't have--

I'll analyze your isotopes

And something, something, quantum, quantum

I'm stuck

I'm just--

I think you're allergic to gluten

Stuck, I'm

It's like I feel like I'm trapped in a loop

Like I'm unstuck in time

Well I think cutting out gluten

I'm...

Is the smartest solution

Fine

That or a diet of soup

Soup?

Made of rhino foreskin

I think I've lost my mind

How about

I can't seem to find my way out of

An enema?

What?

Would you like an enema?

Existentially, I'm --

Some essential oils

Essentially, I'm --

Organic teas

Who needs enemas with friends like -- ?

I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin'

This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin'

Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin'

For all the good that I can do

I don't have a frickin' clue what I'm doin'

Though there are things that we just don't know

It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go

Now open your buttocks a wee bit

I'm not sure how this will help

Just want to get to the bottom of it

I'm stuck

I'm just stuck

I have a PhD

Finally

In psychiatric pharmacology

I specialize in mental illness --

Good

In cows

What?

Let's treat your depression

With a course of Fluoxitol

I'm not depressed

You're not?

No!

You must be delusional

So take some Acepromazine

And a couple of Clocapromine

And quietly, I'd advise ya

To try this tranquilizer

Although maybe you should just take half

Okay

It says whole ones for cows

I'm not a --

And half for calves

Right

I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin'

This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin'

Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin'

For all the good that I can do

I don't have a friggin' clue

In my medicine cupboard

There's a bunch of L. Ron Hubbard

There are only twelve steps and they shouldn't take long

We just need a sample of

Your stool and your semen

You have Satan within you

We must exorcise your demons

Take this pill

Read this book

Eat your vegetables uncooked

It's your karma

It's just toxins

It's for constipated oxens

Well that ought to loosen you up

I am stuck

Fuck, okay

One: I'm still sleeping and this I'm just dreaming

And two: it's a prank, and everyone's in on it

Three: it's a flashback from when I was twenty and ate magic mushrooms and thought I was Aquaman

Four: it's some kind of reality show

Five: it's amnesia

Six: it's a stroke

I think I am losing my my..

 [EXPERTS]

I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin'

This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin'

Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin'

For all the good that I can do, I don't have a frickin' clue what I'm doin'

Though there are things that we just don't know

It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go

You just have to open your mind

That'll be five hundred bucks

What the f--

A check is fine

Fine

Karma

Toxins

Enema

Oxen

Jesus

Xenu

Alcohol!