When Willy Met Oompa

Loompaland. There's no such place.​

I assure you, dear lady, there is.​

Mr. Wonka, I teach geography.​

Ah, well in that case, you know all about it!

It really is the most charming story...

(sung)

I was searching the dark green jungle

For a tree called the Theobroma

Like a sweet Margaret Mead

I let my nose lead

To its heavenly chocolate aroma

But the jungle was filled with snozzwangers!

Hornswagglers and wicked wangdoodles!

Who would make you their lunch

As your bones they would crunch

As they boiled your limbs for noodles

But no wretched beast

Would make me their feast

For my sword is as swift as lightning!

One by one they all fell

Though the ooze and the smell

They emitted was twice as frightening

Then from high in the trees

I heard foreign "Whoopee!"s

Then the source of the sound

Were all there on the ground

Barely up to my knee

They all screamed

"We're all free!"

And the sound of their bliss

It went something like this

(Ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa-loo

(Ca-ca-cao-cao)

Ai ai ai ai!

(Oompa-loompa want it)

Now now now

(Ai ai ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa wanna

(Chew chew chew!)

Gesundheit

Thank you!

A-loompa-loompa-loo!

Oh, did I mention?

They're marvelous dancers!

Well they all dressed me up like a hero

They were breathless

And simply elated

Explanations were sung

In their strange Loompish tongue

Though for you now we'll gladly translate it

The beast hoarded all of our chocolate

Those disgusting vermicious killers

Yes, those monsters all thrived

As we barely survived

On a diet of mashed caterpillars

Through the months and the years

Other dull chocolatiers

Met their fate in the monsters' saliva

Poor Signor Ghirardelli

Now lines monster belly

With Herr Lindt

And Lady Godiva

But your magic machete

Turned beasts to spaghetti

Each hornsnozz and wang

You took down with a bang!

And it's safe now to chow

On the beans called cacao

And to celebrate it

Here's their number one hit!

(Ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa-loo

(Ca-ca-cao-cao)

Ai ai ai ai!

(Oompa-loompa want it)

Now now now

(Ai ai ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa wanna

(Chew chew chew!)

Gesundheit

Thank you!

A-loompa-loompa-loo!

They asked me

"How can we repay you

For bringing beans back to our lives?"

I said, "If you like this buffet, you

Will simply flip if you see my factory!"

And then an Oompa they called Hoffa

Stepped forth and said

Make us an offa'

I said

"I'll pay you in beans

If you man my machines"

He said

I ain't no schnook

We want beans every break!

I agreed and we shook

With a chocolate shake!

Now we sing and we dance

But they hate wearing pants

We all live in a dorm

And they love to perform!

Every wife is exotic

Though that one's neurotic

The fun won't diminish!

And now, here comes their big finish!

(Ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa-loo

(Ca-ca-cao-cao)

Ai ai ai ai!

(Oompa-loompa want it)

Now now now

(Ai ai ai ai!)

Oompa-loompa wanna

(Chew chew chew!)

And now thanks to that tree

This "me"'s now a "we"

And we're all one big

Oompa-Loompa family!

Gesundheit!