Uh Huh, Dad Bars man, y'all know what I mean, right? Y'all gonna get *you gone learn today*

Big Daddy, I'm just trying to keep the kids happy, for some reason the wife's just always pissed at me

Aggravated is how you sound, what'd I do now?, why don't you do some laundry and cool down

Everyday I go to give it my best, and I'll admit it, I guess, I'm always thinking of sex

She's like "yea you are, you got a one track mind", whatchu think I'm over here having a fun ass time?

You got me mistaken, look at all the leaves I'm raking, best thing I did all week was have a piece of bacon

"Can you run in the store?", oh you wanna bargain shop?, "I'll be in and out, I wanna see what Target got"

I'm with the kids for a hour in the parking lot, No respect, that's what a Father got

Now I ain't saying it's a horrible day, but I should probably be in another country, touring on stage

Look, waiting in the car is boring ok?, plus I got an Amazon package at the door every day

Kids are like "Daddy can you wrestle me?", Definitely, but not right now, see I ain't got no energy *I'm tired man*

This will be more fun when you're nine, "throw us in the air and do it six hundred more times"

What is this crossfit? I am exhausted, I love you to death but I wish you had an off switch

"Can we have a treat?" Not till you eat your ziti, besides I got high last night and had your Reeses Pieces *they were good*

You think it's easy? You think that shit is great? And when my single friends are bitchin', that's that shit I hate

You think you got it tough now boy, friggin' wait, I hope you get a girl pregnant on your dinner date

Asked the wife "you wanna bang? Take your shirt off", "Maybe tomorrow" so I jerked off on a work sock

I'm just kidding, no I'm not, see I need it guy, I'm not on TMZ but I'm giving you TMI

Married with Children it's like Peg Bundy, need a weekend after the weekend, already dead Monday