This folding chair's uncomfortable

This flat beer is undrinkable

And I can think of 97 places I'd rather be

Rumor 'round this town is that high-waisted wedding gown

Is hot in month two or month three

It was either gonna be a shotgun wedding

Or a shotgun you can't outrun her daddy

I'll give you a year's supply of cigarettes

If they make it past Labor Day

Hey, I just saw the groom making out with the bridesmaid

If she's still got a ring by Halloween

I'll throw in a case of crown

This blessed union is doomed to go down

Yeah, we're all taking bets while they're saying vows

I guess what happens one drunk night

It can turn into a nude lot

Trailer made for a Jerry Springer episode

He's spittin' dip in a wine glass

Starin' at her mama's ask

While the bride's praying that their secret don't show

And her best friend in the pink dress

Got a new hickey on her neck

And we're all thinking, how the heck does she not know?

I'll give you a year's supply of cigarettes

If they make it past Labor Day

Hey, I just saw the groom making out with the bridesmaid

If she's still got a ring by Halloween

I'll throw in a case of crown

This blessed union is doomed to go down

Yeah, we're all taking bets while they're saying vows, vows

Maybe they'll make it, but the stats say they won't

So they'll say, "I do," at least until they don't

I'll give you a year's supply of cigarettes

If they make it past Labor Day

Hey, I just saw the groom making out with the bridesmaid

If she's still got a ring by Halloween

I'll throw in a case of crown

Even the preacher's got a hundred on it now

Yeah, we're all taking bets, and I'm gonna win them cigarettes

We're all taking bets while they're saying vows

Vows, vows, vows