I knew I was a monster, from the age of three

When I turned the River Nile into dust

People stared in horror at the monster that was me

But a monster has to do what he must: a monster has to do what he must

At nursery school they wondered what to do with me

Because I got bored and ate up all the books

They brought the parish priest in to interrogate me

While the teachers were exchanging worried looks: the teachers were exchanging worried looks

Yes I am a monster, it's sad but it's true

And all my life I didn't give a damn

An everyday monster and I love you

And a monster’s got to be just what he am: a monster’s got to be just what he am

In senior school I terrorised the brothers dressed in frocks

They couldn't beat me down although they tried

They shut me in a room but I just bit off all the locks

And laughed while all the dinner ladies cried: I laughed while all the dinner ladies cried

Then I went to art school with the freaks and the heads

I’d paint my face and then go out for tea

See the scary monster in my greens and blues and reds

But everybody else looked just like me: everybody else looked just like me

You can be a monster but you have to pass the test

Of being something other than you seem

A hairy scary monster is the kind we like the best

Stompin’ round the place lettin’ off steam: stompin’ round the place lettin’ off steam

Yes I am a monster, there, I’ve said it again

And I’ll throw all of my toys out of the pram

Will you be my monster? We’ll set up house and then

We can be whatever monsters am: we can be whatever monsters am

And now that I’m retired I can monster when I like

I get up late and scare the local cats

Riding round the neighbourhood on my monster bike

The local ladies tip their monster hats: the local ladies tip their monster hats