Freezer Burnt Ice Cream

I'm watching a movie about two months ago. I go to have my ice cream, that's my snack. Freezer burnt. Oh you have no idea man. It's my Saturday night man! So I'm like, all hope is not lost, it might just be a top level. You still got to do a deep dive and, as I'm sticking the spoon you can hear all the crystals breaking up. I'm like all the way through, all the way through! My wife goes, "Well jet's just calm down. Just put it back in the freezer and we'll return it tomorrow to the supermarket". I'm like, "Grown men do not return ice cream". She's like, "Well then I guess you're just out five bucks". I'm like, "Well either that or I guess I'll just have to shoplift $5 worth of shit next time I go to the supermarket". Not all at once.

Like I was in the bakery section, you know where you get your donuts and you put them in the white wax bag. I got four donuts. I put them in the bag. I get up to the register, right away the ladies like, "How many donuts in the bag?", I'm like "Two". You have no idea how scary that is until it's actually going down. Oh my God, man. It was like I was trying to get heroin across the border. In my head I'm like, oh God, just swipe the bag lady. Swipe the bag, swipe the bag. Walking out my wife is whispering "It's 55 cents a donut. Why would you even put us in that situation?". I'm like, "Because of the freezer burnt ice cream. Keep walking, keep walking". Around the parking lot and she's like, "What would you have done if they opened up the bag and saw four donuts?". I go, "I would've just been like, "My wife must have put two more donuts in there when I wasn't paying attention". It's called acting!

Really man, I don't know why we're so enamored with movie stars. We act every day of our lives. Better than they do! Hey come on. How many people, you go to work, you see someone you don't particularly care for, you're like, "Good to see you!", and they're like, "You too!", and scene.