I'll Never Tell

This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn't he fine? My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine But I'm out of the biz The name I made, I'll trade for his The only trouble is, I'll never tell She is the one, she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight embrace, tight embrace I'll never let her go The love we've known can only grow There's just one thing that, no, I'll never tell 'Cause there's nothing to tell He snores, she wheezes, say housework and he freezes She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe I talk, he breezes, she doesn't know what please is His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe The vibe gets kind of scary Like she thinks I'm ordinary Like it's all just temporary Like her toes are kind of hairy, but it's all very well 'Cause God knows I'll never tell When things get rough, he just hides behind his Buffy Now look, he's gettin' huffy 'cause he knows that I know She clings, she's needy, she's also really greedy She never - his eyes are beady, this is my verse, hello? She - Look at me, I'm dancin' crazy You know, you're quite the charmer, my knight in armour You're the cutest of the scoobies with your lips as red as rubies And your firm yet supple tight embrace He's swell, she's sweller, he'll always be my feller That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified I've read this tale, there's wedding then betrayal I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide I lied, I said it's easy I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell Is she looking for a pot of gold? Will I look good when I've gotten old? Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful? When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley Am I crazy? Am I dreamin'? Am I marrying a demon? We could really raise the beam in makin' marriage a hell So, thank god I'll never tell I swear that I'll never tell My lips are sealed I take the fifth Nothin' to see, move it along I'll never tell